What I've been missing

The end of my master's degree is looming near. I have three courses to go. This week marked the start of these three courses. In all of them there is an extensive amount of reading, which I am afraid that I will not finish. I just have to plug away, one page at a time.

With the end of my degree near, I feel it necessary to apply for every library job in sight, hoping that I would at least get a callback. Every library in sight simply means those that cater to my interests: Interlibrary loan or possibly Serials, or more unrealistically: Systems. There are a couple of information literacy gigs thrown in there for good measure. This yearning to find something new also stems from the inevitable fear of being laid off from my current job (although I'm told it wouldn't happen).

In many ways, I would be happy just staying where I am, however, something tells me I should probably move on, if nothing more than for a little more financial security. On the other hand, I don't wan to make so much money that I forget what life is all about. I have been hit on so many sides lately about my childhood and the things I held dear then. Sometimes I wonder these days who I am and what my greater purpose is. I don't recognize myself.

Part of me feels like I am just under too much pressure/stress and that is why I don't feel like my normal self--I just don't know.

For one of my course assignments a few quarters back, I had to write a grant. I ended up writing a grant for a storyteller to come to our library. The grant was based on the actual possiblity that we might at least get partial funding for our library to have said storyteller. By the Grace of the man upstairs and the collaborative efforts of many on campus, the storytellers came last week (Monday to be exact).

The storyteller the library selected held a workshop in the afternoon which I attended. We talked about 'what's in a story'. In this reflection, he had each of us close our eyes and picture our childhood bedrooms, and to choose one object from that room that could be or have a 'story' affiliated with it. People around the room mentioned baseball gloves, boomboxes, etc. He ended up calling on me... the only thing I could think of from my room was my HUGE rock collection.

I told the story of how I would go down to the creek and pick up interesting rocks, and that one time I dragged a huge rock back to the house simply because it had a piece of mica in it. It then made me think of the creek behind my father's house and how we had an area that we called the 'Peninsula', where we would go to simply hang out and play. I remember writing many childish poems down there, and the way the clay formed the walls of the creek. Apparently when I was talking, I said the word creek like 'crick' and he was surprised to learn that I was from WNY.

The point is (yes, I have a point) that I am realizing how mundane my life has come and how much I miss nature, how much I miss the creek and the waterfall. I miss spending hours by myself looking for rocks that would seemingly mean nothing to someone else. It depresses me that the nearest thing I have to a creek right now is the erie canal.. and yes it's beautiful--but... there's just something about the uncommercialized nature I guess.

I especially want Scianna to have the same kind of experiences. I want her to go out and be able to come back covered head to toe in mud and to have a special place of solitude that is brimming with the noise of nature instead of a technology filled house and television.

Thanks be to Dad (& Mom too) for choosing Hickman, and working his (and her) ass off to make it possible, to give me these fond memories. The countless bikerides and the journeys down suicide hill and trekking up rice hill road. May I have the same gumption and stamina to make Scianna's live as adventure filled as my parents made it for me as a kid!

I had the good fortune of meeting up with my buddy Rachael from when I was in highschool today. She has two beautiful daughters. Rachael is so graceful and peaceful looking, so calm and collected. I know that appearances can be deceiving, but I know that I am far too stressed for my own good and for the good of my 'family'. Rachael reminded me today how important the simple things in life are. I forget so often--all the time. Her first daughter is four, so after we finished our meal, Scianna and Hailey climbed under the table in Denny's and were giggling and laughing up a storm. It was such a sweet and beautiful sound. We were even able to get a picture of the two of them smiling! An unusual feat because Scianna rarely holds still for pictures anymore!

Laying Low

well... it's been forever since I've posted on this BLOG or any BLOG for that matter. People who know me will tell you that I've had an overflowing plate since last February, and when it seems one thing is gobbled up, someone dumps another helping on the plate!

Will have to post some recent pictures of the Scianna girl--Three and just about potty trained--I can't believe it!!!

Always Balancing an Overflowing Plate

I can't believe it's almost the middle of May already. I've finally gotten a taker on my father's house (Praise the Lord!), and we're due to close July first. Before hand though, the whole house must be emptied. This should be interesting as it is full of stuff! Even though Leah has been working really hard to clear things out--it is still full of stuff! It will be sad not going there anymore for Holidays and whatnot. I loved that house a lot.

Thankfully, I'm in my own house now, and am very grateful. It's so nice to have the additional space and the back yard to take care of. I redicsovered that I love playing in the dirt. That takes a little stress away from the overwhelming feeling that I'm going to drop this very full plate I'm carrying.

I'm not enjoying my classes as much this quarter. They incorporate a lot of reading and it's frustrating to me, because I can read without understanding anything that I'm reading. Some of the articles are interesting, but others are down right boring. I've been told that it's sometimes is boring reading about ethics and policies and things... but it's ever important. I just hope that I will come out with A's. There are a couple big projects that I should be getting started on, but haven't exactly been motivated to do so.

Work has been okay. I never feel like I'm getting anything done, and the library faculty and staff have been at arms this week because the computer lab has been so full. Students are asking that we open the LIL (library instruction Lab) so people can work on papers in there. Unfortunately, the lab is theoretically only for instruction use--not 'lab' use. It's a very frustrating debate, and I can't help but take a defensive stance as it seems like my student workers are being underestimated. I have a lot to do this summer in terms of getting information together to develop effective training materials and figuring out how to be a better supervisor. I also need to find someone to help me with Interlibrary Loan over the summer. Adaley will certainly be missed! I've tried starting the schedule for the fall, but am not getting very far. I only have about 6 student workers returning to the Lab... (some graduated, some are moving up to staff assistantship)...so, I need to hire a number more. Unfortunately, I'm not getting a large response to my job posting. This coming week is the last week I will be working from 4-midnight three days a week and the weekends. I am actually going to return to the normal way of life starting May 19th.

One of the gals I used to work with at Pearce 4 Kids actually does in home daycare now! She agreed to watch Scianna at least for the summer. I'm glad about this, as I think I need something a little more rigid, and set. Plus I will have two days off in a row! YES! I think int he fall, I'm going to keep sending her to daycare three days a week, work on Saturday and Sunday and have two consecutive days off, although I'm not sure which ones would be best to take off. I need to consider both the staffing in the computer lab AND what interlibrary loan might be like.

I have been a LOT happier in this new house. I feel like I have something to do outside... which makes me happy, and I started up my plant collection again. Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't have gone into horticulture or something--oh how I love those plants.

Tonight, I am going to make croissants. I found this recipe for 'whole wheat' croissants that I think will be interesting. I bought some raspberries and blueberries and am thinking about adding them to the croissants for something different. Tomorrow I need to take said croissants to a "mother's day brunch". It should be nice! Then... It's off to work with me! Yahoo!

I guess that's enough ranting for one time.... need to get back to doing something productive.

Rule 735 from the peanut gallery

When everything is said and done, everyone hates you anyway.. no matter what you say--or so it seems sometimes.

The 735th peanut gallery rule is: KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT--or REFRAIN YOUR FINGERS FROM TYPING...no matter how bad you want to say something.

I am now apparently a snippy girl who is harsh on everyone. I swear I wasn't trying to be harsh, or condescending or anything. I am a people pleaser. God forbid I try to make amends here.

Aunt Anne will be leaving on the first of May. By the tone of her e-mail it seems like she's been wanting to leave for a long time. If that's the case, I don't understand why she hasn't.... especially if it's so terrible and horrible to live there.

I feel like the most horrible person in the world for asking her to leave. I am honestly very concerned about her.. But what can I do? I'm not there every day. I believe that Rachael is moving out right now solely because of Aunt Anne's behavior...

*sigh*... I need to think...

Always eat before taking....

Yesterday I discovered that one should always eat something before taking Tylenol allergy pills. Especially, when you wake up feeling like you have to hurl anyway!

It was a wonderful beautiful day yesterday... Sunny and brisk outside. I woke up feeling like my head had been run over by a freight train and then the unfortunate pill taking which resulted in a nice little reminder of how much I need to clean the toilet! I found that there was finally space in a playgroup that I've been trying to go to since January... so I said yes, not realizing that I was going to be feeling yicky. After saying yes, I ventured up to the shower, with Scianna close to my heels... She was intrigued by the shower water, but all said and done, she didn't want to have anything to do with the water that wasn't already in the tub. I got myself and Scianna dressed and then ran about throwing things into my quilted bag in preparation for the playgroup. I remembered to grab the car bill which I thrust into the mailbox, and remembered to lock the door, but I just couldn't have remembered to grab the house key? Nope! So, I didn't even realize I had forgotten the house key until I went to unlock the car. Luckily I had the spare car key in my bag--woot! I also realized at that point that my cell phone was busy being charged upstairs and out of reach, considering I'd already left my keys inside. So, being 10:00 and not having a way back into the apartment until 6:30 I set out for the playgroup.

The playgroup was good. Nice being in a house instead of a public place everyonce in a while. Scianna was thrilled with the new set of toys to play with for a while. I was thrilled to just sit and chill for a little while. The other little kids were cute. Michela was probably feeling a little threatened because everyone else was playing with HER toys. She kept getting upset with Scianna for playing with certain toys. I guess it's a good oportunity for "learning to share". After two hours of playing it was time to leave. This still left me with six hours to kill before I could get into the apartment. Great. Scianna and I ventured over to SamsClub in Greece, and got Ham, and shrimp and Chicken for Easter dinner on Sunday. We walked down every aisle and had fun munching on samples. Scianna especially liked the cheddar and gouda cheese that was being offered. I never knew that a two year old would like gouda cheese!!! After leaving SamsClub we ventured over to Wegmans to get the other things necessary to have a successful Easter dinner, and hopefully not have to go shopping until next weekend. Scianna promised me she'd be a good girl in wegmans, and she was for the most part, until we got to the checkout aisle and she insisted on climbing out of the cart. We were right near the balloon station, so she played with the ribbon, until it was time to leave. I had a near breakdown trying to figure out what ingrediants were needed for my family's special rice. My Dad was so great at making it... and now he's not here to do it. I was able to find the clams and the pimentos, but I couldn't find the same kind of flavoring paste he used... I know it was in a white container... but didn't know what section to look in. I ended up getting this stuff that I found with the boullian... "Better than boullion". I hope it will work. After wegmans it was 2:55 and that meant I still had 31/2 hours to kill before the key arrived.. at this point... I was like.. sheesh.. I could just go to Webster and get the key... So, I made a plan in my brain to do that. Before doing that though, I stopped at the mall hoping to get my own special rice pot. I thought maybe Bed Bath and Beyond would have a nice pot. Although they had nice pots, I wasn't about to spend 500 bucks on a whole pot set and it didn't look like the type of pot I was looking for was available just by itself.. and Sc ianna was starting to be a pain in the rump... so we exited Bed Bath and Beyond and headed over to Marshalls... where I found, after crawling around on the floor with Scianna, a large cast iron pot that matches the two I got for Christmas, on SALE marked down 50%!!! . I nabbed that up and carried it to the checkout where Scianna proceeded to turn into jelly and roll aoround on the floor just to torture me. However there was nothing I could do carrying a cast Iron pot that weighed as much as she does... Probably couldn't have carried both--I'm not that strong. So, finally she stood up and found a mirror to look in and I checked out, and grabbed the pot and her hand and headed out to the car. Welcome 3:30! So, into the car we go, with much protestation and to Webster to the fine establishment of Atlas music. Because I didn't know exactly how to get there, I went the long way around, but we finally made it. While I was there I acquired the key, disposed of some coke, and tried out a bassoon, which I'm hoping to nab up after a while. 2,000 for a decent student model bassoon is cheap! I realized yesterday that it's been almost 5 years since I've played a bassooon! I should get into the habit of playing music again. So little time, so many things to do! With key in hand and car full of goodies, Scianna and I headed home via 104 to 590 to 390 to 490 to 33... Another round about way! When we finally got home I decided that I needed to take the boxes and skis out of my car and put them away. I also cleaned up the car a little bit. Put the groceries away and then argueda bout what to have for dinner. If you every are stumped by this quandry you should definitely check out: "What do I want for dinner?" It doesn't actually solve the problem.. but it generates a laugh every once in a while.

Finally, Bill Gray's famous cheesburgers were decided upon; it was after 8, so no one felt like cooking. I sat on the couch nursing my headache and gorging on cheeseburgers and watching 101 dalmations which Scianna seemed to love (however not nearly as much as the Incredibles craze of late). Then I read one fish two fish red fis blue fish to Scianna. She only got 3/4 of the way through before she fell to sleep. Instead of rushing downstairs to clean clean clean I opted for a full night's sleep--for once.

So I'm off to dreamland dreaming about Robert's renting out the Dave Matthew's Band for an audience of about 100 in some small room somewhere on campus. The big day arrives and I have front row seats and something goes wrong with the room's system so they pack up and call it quits. I leave the room and see them bussing away. I was surprised that Robert's had rented them out in the first place...

This morning I woke up feeling much better (YAY!)... I immediately hop on the computer intending to check email but instead got sucked into the wonderful world of celebrity gossip, which I usually care nothing about. So, I spend half an hour trying my hand at a quiz about people I know nothing about.. and really---should I? Although, it is difficult NOT to know about the perils of Britany Spears or the craziness of Tom, Kate, and Suri.

Now that I've blogged about yesterday, it's nigh time to get on with today. On the agenda for today is planning the course of action for tomorrow... I'm going to bake a ham, make callah bread, make my family's rice, and steam up some asparagus. I also have to prep the Easter basket for the Sci Sci, and then find a hiding spot for it. Also on the agenda is the task of clean clean cleaning and sort sort sorting and beginning to pack pack pack. JOY JOY JOY! :)

And the ponderance for today, is why have I encouraged Scianna to be a chocoholic???

Done Done Done!

I am pleased to announce that for the next two weeks I am done with my first quarter of graduate studies. The completion required non-stop work on Monday (from 7:30Am to 11:00PM) and Tuesday (from 7:30AM to 4:45PM).

The systems exam was interesting. I hope I responded in the correct way. I'm not really sure I did.. especially concerning the question on decomposition. There wasn't hardly any information in the book and I had a really difficult time finding any literature on the topic at all.

On the plus side, I have nearly perfect grades for the entire quarter... so I think I will be okay even if I botch the exams... I was actually afraid to look at my grades--I even had to fight with myself to do it today. I'm a little disappinted that none of the great posters from my systems class this quarter will be in my classes next quarter. :( Oh well... I will live, and I'm sure there will be other great posters this semester.

At this point, I've spent so much time on the computer that I can't believe I'm still sitting here on the computer.

Back to work bright and early tomorrow morning. Need to get back into the spirit of ILL and management of my little old computer lab. Perfect timing though, the students are on break next week.

As for now... I guess I'm going to set on the couch and snooze while scianna works off the orange pop we accidentally (on purpose) gave her...
Such a bad parent I seem to be..

One more week as of tomorrow

Tuesday--tomorrow marks the one last week of my first quarter of grad school!
WOW.
The systems class has been really time consuming. I think I'm doing okay in both classes.. but am afraid to look at my grades... I don't think I have since the beginning of February.

I spent the first half of today avoiding my homework by cleaning house and then the second half of the day, I spent researching for my final project for the other class. I think I've found some things that will work... Hopefully there are at least 20 citations for peer reviewed articles!
Now.. I'm spending the third half of my day at the library--YAY!!!

Tomorrow... is the first playgroup I will have attended since my Dad passed. I just haven't had the time and every time I've thought about attending an event, I've been driving out to Buffalo. I am not planning on driving out there again until I have to. It's such a long drive and any kind of snow makes it absolutely miserable.

In other news, we over here have begun our own process of buying a house--YEAH! It's got a wonderful kitchen...3 bedrooms, gorgeous hardwood floors, and 2 full bathrooms! I never thought to nab the pictures off of the realty site before it was taken off. I'm hoping that we'll close by the end of April. Another big change!

I'm still frustrated with the surrogate court of Erie County. It has been well over a month and I still don't have the letters of administration. This is most frustrating! We really don't want to be paying out of pocket for Dad's house and stuff.. but I guess we have to do what we have to do until it's sold. If anyone has they're prayer hats on, please say a prayer that Dad's house will sell quickly. IF you're looking for a huge fixer-upper with a bundle of potential and outdoor charm.. check out the listing on RealtyUSA and give me an offer!!!

Scianna gave herself a bloody nose today. She was dancing with Jenna in the living room and fell nose-first into the carpet! Whoops!! She appeared to be okay. Instead of wanting to dance after that, she wanted to play game cube and then promptly fell to sleep! All her 2T shirts are becoming too short. I guess it's time to move her up into the 3T realm... :( Although still 2T pants for a little while I'm sure.

Yesterday, I decided, since it had snowed so much, that I would Cross country ski to work. Little did I know that most of the snow ont he road would be gone by the time I actually headed out... AND... the hills people create while shoveling and plowing were not conducive to continuous skiing, but once I got to the church on the corner I was able to cut back onto the RWC cross country trails.. :) Because I had left my car at work overnight, I had to dig the darn thing out with the official and very yellow library shovel.

In other news... All I have to say is that amethysts are SWANKY and I love them.. :)

I guess I'm headed into the work zone now... better get to it!